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i turned 38 today
By vrtualme | May 26, 2007
Officially at 3:05 am this morning. I began my day at a little after midnight with a call from mother singing me an off-key version of “happy birthday” and was unable to fall back to sleep afterward. I spent the next few hours, agreeably enough, in bed finishing off a Vonnegut book and brushing my cat, turkey bird (surely an angel sent by god to watch over me). It’s now 6:41 am and I’m wide awake at my computer, busying myself with ignoring e-mails and playing “Luxor.” A game I’d thought I’d beaten, but it seems to have extra, hidden, levels I’ve yet to complete. What will the rest of my day bring me? It’s anyone’s guess. I just wish it would get started already. Most people find hope in the first few hours of a fresh day; I often find anxiety in contemplating all the possibilities that new day offers. Oddly the word I hate most from the dictionary is “potential.” It’s a dangerous word; and though it’s been frequently flung at me, I still can’t make myself comfortable in its company. For too long in my life potential has made a passionate bedfellow of disappointment; so I’ve spent the last few years expecting very little from anything in an attempt at avoiding both.
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